[Plasma Shield]

I’ve found that, on the whole, science doesn’t lie to me. Science is like that irritating relation at the dinner party who tells you shitty ‘interesting facts’ when you really just want to drown your sorrows in brandy-soaked fruitcake. But you can still trust Science, because Science generally knows what the hell it’s talking about. And yeah, sometimes Science might be wrong. But, along the way, science sorts itself out via this little thing I like to call ‘peer review’ and ‘experiment validity’. Mmm. Tasty.

So, to drop the metaphor, I basically get the funny feeling that when a whole lot of people working independently reach the same conclusion it’s more than likely to be reasonably accurate. And if you don’t agree with me, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re a dirty communist.

Of course, when along the way we start to see some results that might have an impact politically people get all antsy in their pantsy about it (see: evolution). And a big one that’s going on right now is the issue of climate change.

So, basically today I’m going to focus on the people who believe that climate change is either not happening/incredibly unlikely to happen. In fact, all those people who don’t think we should bother doing anything about it. Essentially this post is just going to be one big bitchslap, which I understand you can do across the internet nowadays.

Image from UnKnownViper

Don’t get me wrong, though – I don’t ever want to stifle scientific debate on the topic. But currently it has come to the point where the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term economic risks of acting on climate change. So, whatever. Of course there’s always got to be room for doubt. But, see, I’m pretty sure at the moment there are very, very reasonable grounds for acting to limit our impact rather than letting our carbon emissions run wild and free in the daisy-filled field that is our atmosphere.

It has come to the point where debate over whether or not we should do something about it is futile. It has come to the point where we should be debating what to do about it. Frankly, I don’t care if you disagree with me on every single point on how we should get that done, just as long as you recognize that something needs to be done. I’m far happier arguing with people about the energy options available to us in terms of both environmental impact and energy security than I am arguing with people about whether or not these climate patterns are real. It’s frustrating, and it feels like one massive step backwards when what we need is to move forwards.

So, yes.

And to those who claim that every single scientist associated with these dastardly climate predictions is just practicing bunk science, I give you this:

This is a man named Alex Chiu, whose name you may have heard before, quite possibly followed by the words ‘That crazy fucktard.’ Alex Chiu sells these little magnetic rings that supposedly make you immortal, which I find an interesting concept at best.

I give you that frightening picture so that you, the reader, can truly come to terms with the horror that is the face of bunk science. It’s ok, Alex Chiu frightens small children too, not just you.

Now, compare Alex Chiu’s ideas with those of some eminent climate scientists and you begin to see what I mean. I’m pretty sure nobody gives a shit about ‘magnet therapy’, but people seem to care about climate change. I’m going to take a guess here that when Ban Ki-Moon heard about Alex Chiu’s magnet rings he didn’t think ‘Aww, shit man, I gotta get me some of those!’. Because Ban Ki-Moon doesn’t work like that. Ban Ki-Moon was probably far too busy arguing with Putin, or trying to save starving African children, or maybe, you know, thinking about climate change. Stuff like that.

And don’t go emailing me with shitty smartass comments like ‘Oh, but didn’t you know, climate change is a natural process, it’s caused by solar activity, carbon dioxide is good for our gardens, you goddamn hippie!’ What are you, a friggin’ retard? What are you doing emailing me? Email a fucking climate scientist, such as James Hansen. He wins against NASA and I’m pretty sure he can win against you, unless you are NASA, in which case, didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?

In other news, I hear Alex Chiu also sells a product called the ‘Gorgeouspil’ which is, oddly enough, a pill that supposedly makes you really, really hot. Apparently he takes it himself. And here I provide to you clear evidence that it doesn’t work:

That’s just one big pile of DO. NOT. WANT.